Awash in a ocean of information
more words flood my way than I read
more sounds crash over my head than I hear.
Pulling myself on dry land to catch my breath
the sand shifts beneath my feet
tugging my toes toward the edge
until the current pulls and I float back out to sea.
As the days spin darker
My soul lets go of all the debris
The year has gathered about me,
Peeling off layers outworn & unused
Finding that warm glow in my center
Allowing it to breathe & grow brighter.
Calling back the sun to light the skies
Bringing lighter days ahead of me
Than those I will leave behind
As a new cycle starts
Around the star.
I wanted to play music and write today.
I’ve done a little of both.
Not nearly as much as intended.
I did visit with my sister in person
and the parents by phone,
Ate good food I didn’t have to buy or cook.
I feel like a strange mouse in this house
that was welcomed in to entertain the guests
and is too small for the king size furniture.
I understood the horses better
Than my sister’s employees who joined us for dinner.
When all was said and done
I called one of my friends who knows the whole story
and even her wisdom had no solution
for the knot in my brain.
It’s 12:30ish on July 16, 2008 and I should either be sleeping or writing an article about what to do this weekend in the county where I live. Some of you live here, most of you do not, but if you’re reading this then this is for you.
You are an amazing person. Life is short and I hope you are enjoying every minute of it.
Over the next five days I will spend the majority of my energy giving eight performances in three different venues in hope that those people who share that time with me will feel refreshed and joyful from that experience.
Five of those performances will be playing the “soundtrack” for a group of children who have worked their butts off this summer to put together a production of C.S. Lewis’s “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.” Behind these kids are an amazing team of “big kids” who have donated their time to this effort. Sam Lovelace has done an amazing job creating the visual world of Narnia. Marianne Carruth has wrangled these kids into intelligent three dimensional characters. More parents than I can name have spent countless hours painting sets, sewing costumes, painting faces, and whatever else needs to be done to help these kids shine like the stars they are on stage. I’m just the girl in the balcony surrounded by instruments adding the aural glue to fill in the remaining spaces. If you have time and are close by, stop by to see what a magical experience this community has created.
Tomorrow night after the matinee I’ll have the chance to sing my heart out and fiddle on the clarinet with Joanne Domka on her sweet smooth trumpet and Dan Petrella on his tender lovingly self-made plectrum banjo while folks enjoy the exquisite drinks, dinner, and desserts crafted by the talented chefs Steve & Ally Landon at Persimmons Bistro. (apologies to those poetic folks who find that sentence too dense for literature…but it is late and I am tired) Join us if you can. I plan to have fun and would love to see you having fun too.
The music will be turned up a notch on Friday when we add tuba, piano, and amplification to the mix at Rogers Park in Tryon. We’re opening for the dashing Russ Wilson and his exquisite Nouveau-Passe Orchestra who will continue with the joyful jazz after I head back to the kids at the theatre. I can’t even begin to explain how exciting this mix will be for me. Please feel free to heckle me since my favorite hecklers Ciro and Thomas are too far away add their spark to the evening.
As for you who are reading this and wondering what it all has to do with you….
Spread your joy where ever you can this week. I love you because there is something you do, that only you can do. Share that with others as much as you can. If you need some inspiration and are too far away to see me in person, check out what my other friends are doing.
I just had an wonderful visit with the current line-up of the Asylum Street Spankers. Find out when they are coming to you and catch their show. The lovely and dashing Henry (aka Dr. Crisp) stopped by to share his talent as well before heading off this week for a fresh line up of shows with the Squirrel Nut Zippers. Catch them if you can. I know I’m jonesing for some Firecracker maddness and Mad Tea Party rockabilliness or even some poetic juice from all of you amazing slam poets out there in this world. (I’ll start getting into trouble if I try to name too many names, but I’m talking about you in case you’re wondering.)
Get out there and do your thing…enjoy someone else doing their thing…and live life for all the joy there is this weekend. You deserve it.
If I forget about the fear of dying, there is nothing left to do, but enjoy each moment as it appears. Sometimes it is necessary to stumble and fall in order to stop and ask, “Where am I going?” It is the bumps in the road that renew our strength to continue the journey with purpose. The people most entertaining to us are not those who live life perfectly. We learn from watching others make the mistakes we are too afraid to attempt ourselves.
The hero of the story is always innocent in the beginning. We are all the heroes of our own story. Each of us begins with innocence and then experience teaches us caution and wariness. The heroes that inspire me are the people I’ve met in my life whose light outshines the trials they have overcome.
I threw off the idea as an adolescent that somewhere out in the world Disney’s prince charming was waiting to swoop in and rescue me. I wanted to be the hero of my own story. The daring princess who escapes the tower on the back of the dragon set to guard her by the witch. Yet rather than taking revenge and burning down the castle that held me prisoner, I’d rather work to transform its purpose. In order to make that happen, I need help from people with skills I don’t possess.
After more solitary years than most people would ever imagine surviving, I am just beginning to learn how to live with other people without fearing they will do everything possible to shame and embarrass me into submission. While all my working life has been spent in performance jobs where I am paid to be entertaining, I am not someone’s “performance pet.” I do not belong to one person or company who tells me what to do, but have struggled to maintain my freedom to choose where to share my talents and survive that way. Now I am faced with the challenge that in order to reach my next set of goals, I will need to work in partnership with at least one other person again. Ciro and I managed four years of travel on the road, but this new project involves a different skill set and different talents. (Yet, I can’t help missing Ciro’s rock steady driving skills and organization that allowed me to relax while travelling.) It’s been seven years since he chose a different path, and I’ve spent the time learning and growing and preparing for something new. The question is…when will it finally be time to start the adventure? If I forget about the fear of dying, there is all the time in the world, yet my feet are itching in this spring weather to get moving. I’m still learning patience.
My name means “to try to hold together,” and that seems my best purpose. Whether through writing or acting or music or simply listening, the whirlwind of my soul wishes for life to move harmoniously.