Posts filed under ‘reflections’
A Wiley Westward Caravan of Sound
March 26, 2009 starts the Redwood Jazz Festival in Eureka, CA. I’ve been informed “this is the one to go to” this year.
I had a great time road tripping from Seattle to Sacramento last May for that festival and learned so much and met so many amazing people I’m eager to get to another festival. I’m also due for a visit to my parents in Washington since I skipped the holiday madness. I was considering trying to buy a plane ticket, but then started thinking…
Do I actually know enough people from my travels that I could drive across country and back with a couple musicians in tow and find enough gigs to let us eat, sleep and buy gas along the way? It would be a great way to visit some of my favorite people while the money I make here continues to feed the house as a place for other travelers to rest on their way through my neck of the woods.
I’m working on hashing out some details on my end, but suggestions, ideas, and contacts are certainly welcome!
I love…times 10
I’m sitting here listening to the sound of the rain outside and just read the lovely Miss Caroline’s blog about her 10 awesome things that happened yesterday and couldn’t help but be inspired to list some of the things making my own world a brighter place this week.
I love…
1. The roaring sound of rain on the tin roof outside when the world around me has seemed far too flammable lately.
2. A furry, purring cat by my side and a fluffy puppy at my feet while sitting on the couch and writing on the computer on a cold night.
3. Taking a detour to discover something new and a home cooked meal.
4. Listening, dancing, playing, singing, and just plain being in the middle of talented, inspiring, live musicians nearly every day.
5. Friends who don’t assume to have the answers, but help to find the questions that allow us to grow together rather than apart.
6. People willing to share stories about themselves.
7. A quiet, warm house when I’ve grown world weary and need rest.
8. The smell and taste of fresh ground coffee brewing at home.
9. Mistakes that allow you the freedom to change your perspective and salvage what’s good while you rid yourself of baggage.
10. Turning a grimace of frustration into a smile and laughter.
You are under no obligation, but please feel free to post your own ten things and keep the love flowing to brighten the dark.
Something’s burning
Chopper flying over my house to bring water from Town Lake above my house to Melrose Mountain
I feel like I’ve been under fire the past week. I’m behind on my work and making more mistakes trying to help other people while hurting myself. Yesterday, as I tried to buckle down to solve some problems for myself, I stepped outside to refuel the kerosene heater and noticed it was oddly warm. I looked out to see the mountain across the valley on fire.
As I climbed my driveway for a better view, I noticed that firefighters were hard at work and had already saved the houses in the valley, but were still fighting for control. When I returned from trying to handle my own “forest fire” of finances there were spotters at my mailbox delivering information to the folks on the ground and the choppers gathering water from the lake above my house. As the day wore on, the rain arrived to help the humans control the blaze and prevent damage to human structures. At the same time yesterday, my own finances seemed to rage uncontrollably and I felt like for all the work I did to save myself, the debt I owed to others grew.
The view across the Pacolet Valley from my porch 2/2/2009
However, as I watched the flames smolder and dim after dark I realized that sometimes the only thing you can do is control the burn and thank the heavens for their help. I have a feeling this spring there will be brilliant new growth now that the fire has burned the useless baggage of old leaves and vines on the mountain.
I went to sleep trusting that the same lesson will apply to my own life. As long as I keep working hard to prevent the fire of my frustration from spreading to those I love, the dead wood in my life can burn and, with some help from above, fertilize the blossoms of spring.
Times they are a changing
I admit, when the “xmas muzak” starts playing I want to run and duck for cover. I was trained from youth that those songs signal when the stress level starts rising. The world becomes a obstacle course of trying to stay pleasant and keep moving while my body wishes to hide under the covers until things get brighter. This year I survived the crash just barely and feel a sense of relief heading into the new year. I believe one key factor was remembering that my time was the most valuable gift I could give to most of the people I know, as long as I kept my own self together.
I also realized that I know more people than I have time to really visit with in one short month of holiday-ness. When it came down to the “big day” I gave myself a good solid 12 hour long winter nap before spending the next ten hours communicating one on one with those who fed me in many ways this year. Oddly, the one person who literally and figuratively fed me the most through the year (including cooking the food I reheated for my dinner) was one I did not exchange any words with yesterday. Perhaps the greatest gift we could give each other was the time to share ourselves with others. I still haven’t talked to everyone I’d like to and hope this blog will suffice for now.
I’m looking forward to a new year filled with many new adventures. As the financial world slides into chaos, I’m still juggling a odd assortment of tasks to keep the roof over my head. The trick is to find those tasks that feed both my spirit and pocketbook and not worrying over the dollar signs. More than anything this year, I discovered that when I keep myself busy putting my talents to good use, the rest seems to balance out and take care of itself.
Ukulele Rockstar Ami Worthen posted a blog about picking a word for the new year. The word that keeps returning to me is “joy.” When I am writing, singing, and playing I open up the gates and let my joy out into the world. I also find that joy floods back to me in ways I could never imagine.
I offer to you joy through this blog today and hope that whatever changes are rocking your world shift you to a place where your joy flows freely. We are all stars and can defy the shadows of our fears when we share our light.
The Heart of Winter
As the days spin darker
My soul lets go of all the debris
The year has gathered about me,
Peeling off layers outworn & unused
Finding that warm glow in my center
Allowing it to breathe & grow brighter.
Calling back the sun to light the skies
Bringing lighter days ahead of me
Than those I will leave behind
As a new cycle starts
Around the star.
Welcome Home
Elmos Too Blues Jam Sun 11-30-08
There’s nothing to make you feel like your little town is home than to come back just in time for the annual oyster roast and discover that even though it’s 11 p.m. you know nearly all the people there and they are still cooking up oysters and handing out drinks.
They also were sure to remind me about the blues jam at Elmo’s Too the next day. I had planned to rehearse with Fred Whiskin, so we just packed up in the car and drove on over for a fun evening of jamming the blues. It felt wonderful to be welcomed home with good friends, food, and music after travelling half way across the country and back this week.
Slip Knot
I wanted to play music and write today.
I’ve done a little of both.
Not nearly as much as intended.
I did visit with my sister in person
and the parents by phone,
Ate good food I didn’t have to buy or cook.
I feel like a strange mouse in this house
that was welcomed in to entertain the guests
and is too small for the king size furniture.
I understood the horses better
Than my sister’s employees who joined us for dinner.
When all was said and done
I called one of my friends who knows the whole story
and even her wisdom had no solution
for the knot in my brain.
I’ll just have to keep dreaming.
Taking 5 to catch my breath
Time seems to be flying past me faster every day. I am horrible about running late. Add others to the mix and I actually have been averaging the same amount of lateness or….less!
That was a shocking realization. Other people don’t make me late, it’s all about me. Looking back on lateness patterns it’s a sign to myself that something needs to change in my schedule. I don’t care enough to be focused enough to make it someplace on time. Now when I’m in charge of someone else being on time I can fill that order (unless I don’t know their schedule, and then I can’t be responsible for their lateness). Sometimes life just seems like it has other plans for me than what I thought I needed to do.
I finally took a few minutes and ran a little bit later this week in order to give myself time to start the ball rolling on a new plan. If successful, it will eventually eliminate the one place in my schedule where I always arrive late.
Stealing time
Rather than taking a break and going for a walk, I’m stealing a few moments of high speed computer time to blog before I turn the computer off for a while. I mean like…maybe two whole days or even more. I might just go for a long drive instead of staring at a screen, look farther down the road. Maybe then I’ll be able to see which way I’m going.
I’ve been balancing other people’s budgets while neglecting my own. I’ve been promoting other people’s events while taking the odd hours of the day to prepare my own upcoming shows. Today I had a call from someone at 8 a.m., who does not pay me a salary, telling me to pull the interview from tomorrow’s paper, without even reading the article. Fortunately, a few hours later my actual salary paying boss had cleared the matter up and the article was run. But, I realized that besides the average of three people who I am dependent on each week to hand me the money that pays my bills, it seems there are more and more people who feel they are responsible for telling me what to do.
It’s wearing me out. It’s time for me to cut ties and fly until I can get enough air of my own to breath. Maybe then I can sort out the good advice from the garbage and see the pathway that will lead out of the rut some folks wish to put me in for their own convenience. I know that 50 a hours a week in front of the computer does not allow me to be a happy person and after one year of it, it’s time for something to change…and fast.
Okay, back to finishing up the last details that will allow me to shut off the internet and steal some time in the real world.
The push & pull of it all
It’s Sunday night and I’m worn out from a full weekend of artistic events and communication. The autumn breezes are stirring everybody up and I find it hard to keep focus through the frenzy of politics and personal drama reaching my ears.
It seems as though I get pulled to help everybody but myself. It was a pleasure for a couple of hours last night to sit and simply listen to amazing music by Frank Vignola & his Rhythm Machine. I should say phenomenal. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a standing ovation in the middle of a first set before. After meeting and greeting everybody while valet parking, it was restful to hide by myself in the back of the theatre.
However, I couldn’t help but wonder what it might be like to watch such a show in the company of someone who would simply sit and appreciate it with you. Perhaps it was being offered a free ticket for a companion and despite my efforts to contact folks who would enjoy the music, there was no one to use it.
So many times I go to these events without ever thinking about trying to bring someone with me. It is work for me. I talk community business at intermission, or get pulled from looking through a gallery opening for an idea about an article that someone needs me to write to promote the next big thing. I rarely make plans with other people because I’m always thinking about work. Even just watching a show is educational for me and inspires me to the next thing to practice. I end up running away to Asheville to hide without a plan, just hoping to see a friendly face that doesn’t need something from me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to be needed and feel valuable to my community, but sometimes the push and pull of it all gets to me.
I feel like everyone I know is under strain right now with the pending election and the state of the economy. I believe the arts are necessary to help us learn and grow together. Long ago I learned to diversify my income sources. Yet the push and pull of it all reminds me that my only true investment is myself. I can only hope that one day my “sole proprietorship” becomes a “partnership” that lifts and supports us both in this crazy business of living.
Jazz & Poetry 