Times they are a changing
I admit, when the “xmas muzak” starts playing I want to run and duck for cover. I was trained from youth that those songs signal when the stress level starts rising. The world becomes a obstacle course of trying to stay pleasant and keep moving while my body wishes to hide under the covers until things get brighter. This year I survived the crash just barely and feel a sense of relief heading into the new year. I believe one key factor was remembering that my time was the most valuable gift I could give to most of the people I know, as long as I kept my own self together.
I also realized that I know more people than I have time to really visit with in one short month of holiday-ness. When it came down to the “big day” I gave myself a good solid 12 hour long winter nap before spending the next ten hours communicating one on one with those who fed me in many ways this year. Oddly, the one person who literally and figuratively fed me the most through the year (including cooking the food I reheated for my dinner) was one I did not exchange any words with yesterday. Perhaps the greatest gift we could give each other was the time to share ourselves with others. I still haven’t talked to everyone I’d like to and hope this blog will suffice for now.
I’m looking forward to a new year filled with many new adventures. As the financial world slides into chaos, I’m still juggling a odd assortment of tasks to keep the roof over my head. The trick is to find those tasks that feed both my spirit and pocketbook and not worrying over the dollar signs. More than anything this year, I discovered that when I keep myself busy putting my talents to good use, the rest seems to balance out and take care of itself.
Ukulele Rockstar Ami Worthen posted a blog about picking a word for the new year. The word that keeps returning to me is “joy.” When I am writing, singing, and playing I open up the gates and let my joy out into the world. I also find that joy floods back to me in ways I could never imagine.
I offer to you joy through this blog today and hope that whatever changes are rocking your world shift you to a place where your joy flows freely. We are all stars and can defy the shadows of our fears when we share our light.
The Heart of Winter
As the days spin darker
My soul lets go of all the debris
The year has gathered about me,
Peeling off layers outworn & unused
Finding that warm glow in my center
Allowing it to breathe & grow brighter.
Calling back the sun to light the skies
Bringing lighter days ahead of me
Than those I will leave behind
As a new cycle starts
Around the star.
Welcome Home
Elmos Too Blues Jam Sun 11-30-08
There’s nothing to make you feel like your little town is home than to come back just in time for the annual oyster roast and discover that even though it’s 11 p.m. you know nearly all the people there and they are still cooking up oysters and handing out drinks.
They also were sure to remind me about the blues jam at Elmo’s Too the next day. I had planned to rehearse with Fred Whiskin, so we just packed up in the car and drove on over for a fun evening of jamming the blues. It felt wonderful to be welcomed home with good friends, food, and music after travelling half way across the country and back this week.
Slip Knot
I wanted to play music and write today.
I’ve done a little of both.
Not nearly as much as intended.
I did visit with my sister in person
and the parents by phone,
Ate good food I didn’t have to buy or cook.
I feel like a strange mouse in this house
that was welcomed in to entertain the guests
and is too small for the king size furniture.
I understood the horses better
Than my sister’s employees who joined us for dinner.
When all was said and done
I called one of my friends who knows the whole story
and even her wisdom had no solution
for the knot in my brain.
I’ll just have to keep dreaming.
Dodging the Chasm
One of the most amazing things about a good improviser is that you never notice when they make a mistake. In fact, a great improviser can even cover other people’s mistakes. Whether it’s poetry or theatre or music, one of the most frustrating things is when the performance to comes to a grinding halt because someone drops a word or line or phrase that sends everyone onstage spinning into the chasm of panic. Yet my favorite magic moments on stage are when suddenly everything is “real” for a moment as the performers respond and dance gracefully around the chasm.
In real life, every day is improvisation reacting to and relating to the events that happen. No script can be read to determine what will happen next. Flying solo, it is easy to react to the whim of the world if you allow yourself to be flexible enough. (Pause here for a moment to catch a bit of Oscar Aleman of Argentina improvising a bit to please his listener.)
When I woke up Saturday morning I realized that I’d spent the whole week in a juggling act of personalities and musical talent that somehow landed me right side up alone in my home once again to catch my breath. I can’t say whether I’d do it all again, but there is one highlight worth mentioning.
For the first time in the six years since we met and made music together, I finally got to spend time on stage in front of audiences as a duo with my best friend. It involved running late of course, as well as crafting a “clarikazoo” on the way out the door with duct tape. We practiced one song in the car on the way to the first stop and then let go of worry and simply played whatever came into our heads. We even played one song that neither of us had ever performed, but we’d played the record many times. The audience laughed with our goofy antics and we laughed with each other and every song landed with gracious applause. It was exhilerating to finally cross the chasm of fear that had kept us from making the leap and learning that together we can fly.
Taking 5 to catch my breath
Time seems to be flying past me faster every day. I am horrible about running late. Add others to the mix and I actually have been averaging the same amount of lateness or….less!
That was a shocking realization. Other people don’t make me late, it’s all about me. Looking back on lateness patterns it’s a sign to myself that something needs to change in my schedule. I don’t care enough to be focused enough to make it someplace on time. Now when I’m in charge of someone else being on time I can fill that order (unless I don’t know their schedule, and then I can’t be responsible for their lateness). Sometimes life just seems like it has other plans for me than what I thought I needed to do.
I finally took a few minutes and ran a little bit later this week in order to give myself time to start the ball rolling on a new plan. If successful, it will eventually eliminate the one place in my schedule where I always arrive late.
I could have danced all night
J's at MoDaddy's
What do you get when you mix former and current members of The Blue Rags, Snake Oil Medicine Show, Mad Tea Party, Firecracker Jazz Band, & Squirrel Nut Zippers on stage with electric instruments? High powered rock and roll baby!
I had just finished a fun evening of singing and playing trad jazz with Dan Petrella & Caroline Pond in SC and was too wired to think about sleep. So, I trucked up the hill to meet C-Po at MoDaddy’s and check out what the Screaming Jay’s sounded like now that they were just the J’s. I couldn’t help but dance.
Thanks to Jake, Abe, Krekel, Mikey Fresh, and the H-bomb for a great finish to an evening full of music.
Stealing time
Rather than taking a break and going for a walk, I’m stealing a few moments of high speed computer time to blog before I turn the computer off for a while. I mean like…maybe two whole days or even more. I might just go for a long drive instead of staring at a screen, look farther down the road. Maybe then I’ll be able to see which way I’m going.
I’ve been balancing other people’s budgets while neglecting my own. I’ve been promoting other people’s events while taking the odd hours of the day to prepare my own upcoming shows. Today I had a call from someone at 8 a.m., who does not pay me a salary, telling me to pull the interview from tomorrow’s paper, without even reading the article. Fortunately, a few hours later my actual salary paying boss had cleared the matter up and the article was run. But, I realized that besides the average of three people who I am dependent on each week to hand me the money that pays my bills, it seems there are more and more people who feel they are responsible for telling me what to do.
It’s wearing me out. It’s time for me to cut ties and fly until I can get enough air of my own to breath. Maybe then I can sort out the good advice from the garbage and see the pathway that will lead out of the rut some folks wish to put me in for their own convenience. I know that 50 a hours a week in front of the computer does not allow me to be a happy person and after one year of it, it’s time for something to change…and fast.
Okay, back to finishing up the last details that will allow me to shut off the internet and steal some time in the real world.
The push & pull of it all
It’s Sunday night and I’m worn out from a full weekend of artistic events and communication. The autumn breezes are stirring everybody up and I find it hard to keep focus through the frenzy of politics and personal drama reaching my ears.
It seems as though I get pulled to help everybody but myself. It was a pleasure for a couple of hours last night to sit and simply listen to amazing music by Frank Vignola & his Rhythm Machine. I should say phenomenal. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a standing ovation in the middle of a first set before. After meeting and greeting everybody while valet parking, it was restful to hide by myself in the back of the theatre.
However, I couldn’t help but wonder what it might be like to watch such a show in the company of someone who would simply sit and appreciate it with you. Perhaps it was being offered a free ticket for a companion and despite my efforts to contact folks who would enjoy the music, there was no one to use it.
So many times I go to these events without ever thinking about trying to bring someone with me. It is work for me. I talk community business at intermission, or get pulled from looking through a gallery opening for an idea about an article that someone needs me to write to promote the next big thing. I rarely make plans with other people because I’m always thinking about work. Even just watching a show is educational for me and inspires me to the next thing to practice. I end up running away to Asheville to hide without a plan, just hoping to see a friendly face that doesn’t need something from me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to be needed and feel valuable to my community, but sometimes the push and pull of it all gets to me.
I feel like everyone I know is under strain right now with the pending election and the state of the economy. I believe the arts are necessary to help us learn and grow together. Long ago I learned to diversify my income sources. Yet the push and pull of it all reminds me that my only true investment is myself. I can only hope that one day my “sole proprietorship” becomes a “partnership” that lifts and supports us both in this crazy business of living.
Frank Vignola
I just had the pleasure of interviewing the amazing jazz guitarist Frank Vignola before he arrives for a show here in Tryon, NC on October 18. I am in utter awe. Here’s the video link he sent when I mentioned learning to play clarinet.
I mentioned some of the folks playing for our gig earlier in the day (Dan Petrella who he met years ago in Detroit, Tuba player Henry Westmoreland, piano player Reese Gray) and he said “bring instruments and we’ll jam in the second set.” I said I didn’t know if they’d have a piano set up and he said “I was thinking of the clarinet.” I think I have some practicing to do before then.
Jazz & Poetry 